Husbands and wives
14th January Trevor Withers
Eph 5 v 22-33
Verse 21 should be part of this passage because it sets the context. The NIV translation separates it off but as Laurence showed last week it is integral to the verses which follow.
There is an interweaving here of Paul talking about husbands and wives, and him talking about Christ and the church. It can be confusing; when is Paul talking about one and when is he talking about the other.
We usually start from a point of thinking about ourselves when we come into any relationship. We think about what's mine and what can I get, rather than thinking about the other person and what can I give.
Rather than coming with hands clenched around what is mine, wanting to hang onto what we've got, if we come with open hands, daring to say that nothing is mine, it creates a whole different dynamic. Submitting to one another.
Jesus is our example, he wanted to hang onto nothing that was his by right, he gave it all up.
Relationships, especially marriage, don't get easier with time, we are always trying to understand each other, grappling with a new issue. Unfortunately, we often go for the middle ground, conforming to each other.
God wants us to be unique, we are fearfully & wonderfully made. We are not the same as each other. In marriage, equality is often interpreted in our culture as meaning 'the same'. Instead, guys be encouraged to be guys, women be encouraged to be women. God enjoys and encourages that uniqueness, the differences between us, like the differences between Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God has those different parts to himself, and as we live out our lives we reflect the nature of God.
As Jesus grappled in the
garden
of
Gethsemane
, so sometimes we grapple, about giving something up, about choosing to submit and to love. There will always be a certain tension for us.
In our culture sometimes it’s difficult to find our way, for wives to be wives and husbands to be husbands. We are told that it’s politically incorrect to think like that. But the distinctives between us give us the context in which our love for each other is worked out.
We often have the erroneous idea that becoming more like Jesus means becoming less who we are. But actually becoming like Jesus also means becoming more ourselves, as Jesus outworks his values and his life through each of us. We are not all supposed to become the same, we work out our relationships in the context of us becoming more ourselves. This is a powerful demonstration of God's power amongst us – as we love one another in our differences.
As husbands and wives do this, it speaks especially powerfully of God's powerful love.
As we get closer to someone, then hurts are sometimes more keenly felt and take longer to resolve, so things need to be worked though and it's not always easy.
Men and women are different, there are differences in the way we think and talk and function. We shouldn't pretend the differences aren't there.
We are to work out loving, forgiving, relationships with all those we are in relationship with: spouse, Christian friend, non Christian friend, work colleagues ....
We demonstrate what it is to be different but committed to loving one another.
V 24-26. Part of this move in our culture to make men and women the same is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything. But these verses say that husbands should take responsibility for their wives, make a place where they are safe to be the person God wants them to be, where the buck stops as the husband says 'yes I'll sort this'. Are we as husbands ducking our responsibility? Jesus takes his responsibility for the church, he died for her, he said he will build his church.
What has struck you about this morning. Have a conversation with your spouse. Think about your other relationships, how can we help people to be more who God has created them to be?
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